Spunk Rack
Concert savvy is something we at Soap have tried to master over the years to varying degrees of success. We post the most essential concert criteria, applying it to last week’s Spank Rock show at the Drunken Unicorn. Study Up.
When to show up - Nothing kills a concert more than showing up too late and either being denied entry due to capacity issues, or missing the act of interest. Nothing, that is, more than showing up way too early, and holy tits did we show up too early. I made a point to everyone I knew how important it was to show up at nine o’clock, that there was no way I was not getting into this show, as if gods only form of communication in my direction was a joke with gullible in the punch line. Luckily, Atlanta hot hit Reacharound warmed it up with her gritty, poppy, rapp-y steez. Lots of standing around and moping usually only leads to one thing….
Timing your drinking - Perhaps the most crucial of all concert savvy criteria, and certainly my Achilles heel, the quantity and timing of alcoholic consumption can make or break any concert. Spank Rock definitely brought out the degenerate in me- 40s, baseball hat, baggy jeans, the whole fucking thing. Backyard Betty came on around 88 oz of beer in the system, and I judiciously ran to the bar for shots, cause I just wasn’t appreciating it enough…
Taking the perfect picture - More a phenomenon of the last five years, digital photography runs rampant at pretty much any event worth attending. One unfortunate consequence of the digital era is the individual’s ability and subsequent need to archive everything for the sake of everything. But, when such concert criteria like proper drinking timing are not obeyed, photos are all that’s left of an otherwise blurry night. So, now every aspiring slut with a camera will stand, point, and aim for the entirety of a show to capture that perfect picture to show the rest of the world how perfect the moment was. Like we do with this great picture of one half of Spank Rock getting down.
Dancing in place - The most subtle and acquired of the entire concert savvy criteria, dancing in place and not looking like a derp is hard. Mashing or any sort of serious ass kicking is only ok at punk shows with high school kids where you’re older, more mature elbows can do damage with no consequence. Many concert goers in big cities with lots of black hair and tattoos like to stand and (occasionally) nod. Flailing about like an epileptic is too…passé, so most concert going brethren with black hair and tattoos stand and occasionally nod. Passé, however, is just a misinterpretation of the highest order of concert savvy, pure enjoyment, as indicated like a floppy, bouncing dance maneuver
Pushing to the front - Everyone likes to see what going on, no one more than my old roommate, Dan. Bitter Parisians can’t even slow this guy down. Normally calm, and a reasonably agreeable drunk, dude could push to the front of any crowd totally oblivious of all the pushes, sighs and general disdain for the people who had showed up before him. This happens at every show, it is the yin to your yang, and cannot be undone. My advice is to find someone who is good at this and become friends with them. See shows with them, allowing you to show up late, dance like and idiot, and get wasted right in front of the stage.
Spank Rock - Sweet Talk || Big Dada
Spank Rock kick ass live, even if Spank raps over his own lyrics. Go see them.
