For this round of “Fun With Metrics“, SOAP tries to assess the causality of the search terms that led the Internetosphere to our virtual door with a dual of the written word.

“Find hot events with soap in php”
Ellsworth: Cause you know the Docomodake party was off the chain.
Bosley: I doubt Ellsworth realizes it, but SOAP is also a google web feed technology…but yes, the Docomodake event was hot.

“In the jetset is freaking the guest list is peaking”
Ellsworth: Um, this like, is me?
Bosley: Sounds like lyrics from a bad Jay-Z song.

“www.heidiporn.com”
Ellsworth: While at first I thought Heidi was perhaps a distant relative to Lindstrom or the more elusive Skatebard, but after a little research, I came upon this:
Global affiliate program leader, EuroRevenue (www.EuroRevenue.com) has announced the launch of its newest site, HeidiPorn.com . The site is built around Eastside Studios’ popular Heidi DVD series shot entirely in the central European Alpine nation, and based on the famous character in Swiss literature.
Bolsey: I don’t think it’s a good idea to put a link to that site on our blog…

“Airline-sized bottle of liquor”
Ellsworth: I hope that somewhere on the Internet there is a photo of a bottle of liquor the size of an airplane.
Bosley: As long as it fits in a Ziploc… You think you can bring a Ziploc bag full of booze onto a plane? You know, like one of those bladders you find inside boxed wine…

“Dan Corsi comes from”
Ellsworth: Dan Corsi cannot be stopped.
Bolsey: I can feel Peter’s jealousy.

“Morgan Geist Jewish”
Ellsworth: Though nothing on his myspace seems to validate this, I’ll be sure to ask him in person and cross-check with Jdate.
Bosley: This is good news because I was planning on dropping Metro Area 7 at my cousins Bar Mitzvah.

Jamie Lidell - Planet Rick || Penalty

A continuation of our pointless monthly series…

• cops bust people in miami at a party on June 3 2007 – this is probably true. In fact, cops probably busted people in Miami on june 2 and june 4
• jehovah s witness pepper spray – SOAP contributors can neither confirm nor deny that said event took place in Miami on or around the night of June 3 2007.
• vlog blog – not content with the search results for merely “blog” or “vlog,” one noble searcher used both words at the same time to unlock the secret internet underwold of hypercritical, overly-niche bedroom experts.
• 2 live crew – hell yeah.
• vice magazine apocalypse – a new york approach to one possible end time scenario
• dan corsi – keep it up corsi, good to know the internet works in canada
• daniel corsi – the formal version of the former.
• electropop clothes were do they come from – I sincerely hope that somewhere within the pages of this web site this question is answered.
• le bon bock – the good pint!
• italian vs polish girls - user-generated reader survey??

Even though people tend to obsess about them, web metrics are typically boring and nerdy. That is unless you are looking at search key-phrases. These are the words, terms, and partial sentences that your site returns to search engines. Here are some entertaining results that Soapism yielded this month:

• justice kanye - HAHAHA…stupid Kanye
• bismarke is dead? - last time I checked, yeah, he is
• trovata cat people - did they do that again this Fashion Week?
• age of consent for american overseas - HAHAHAHAHA…sicko
• galaxie bowling brooklyn disco - we miss it too
• dan corsi - Hey buddy! I hope this wasn’t you searching for yourself
• briefcase liquor cabinet - ORLY?
• vocal harrasment - …is a serious crime
• the cat disco shit - is this anything like an E-poo?
• new electro singles hipster blog electro - I think I just threw up a little in my mouth
• armani exchange remix cologne - see above
• pophouse gay chicago - indeed

Rhythmatic - Frequency (Depth Mix) || Network